When it comes to keeping up appearances, the streets are full of do's and don'ts, and the same goes for the animal kingdom. While plenty of creatures look sharp, others could seriously use a Tim Gunn intervention. From sagging skin, to teeth not even an orthodontist would love, to flashy colors and polka dots, here are the top 10 animals in need of a little style advice!
10. TITICACA FROG
This amphibian gets his giggle-worthy name from his homestead in Lake Titicaca, which sits 10,000 feet above sea level in South America. As one might imagine, there's not a lot of air up there, and seeing as frogs breathe through their skin, this presents a bit of a challenge. Solution? More skin! And boy do we mean more — the sag on these frogs can stretch over 20 inches wide. Titicaca frogs look like they've posed for their "after" shot but are still wearing their "before" pants. Sounds like a prime candidate for a little nip/tuck!
Its coat of 30,000 sharp spines may help protect the porcupine from predators, but it does nothing for its love life: fellow porcupines are not immune to the sting of the quills. In fact, the porcupine's own life is in jeopardy by its coat as well — if porcupines are hit with a craving for leaves and small twigs, they will climb trees to get what they want. Problem is, porcupines often fall and impale themselves with their own spines. Talk about making a sacrifice in the name of fashion!
8. MALE FIDDLER CRAB
Is that a claw in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Laugh if you will, but when it comes to male fiddler crabs, it couldn't be more true. They're armed (yuck, yuck) with one claw that weighs up to 65 percent of their total body mass! Picture a guy doing arm curls on one side only and you're on the right track. The supersized claw is used to attract females, and in this case, size does matter. The ladies have been known to peruse more than 100 mates before settling on a match. Unfortunately, the enlarged claw also proves to be quite a hindrance; it's pretty useless when it comes to chowing down, not to mention a big neon sign to predators. Chalk this one up to being a blessing and a curse.
7. MALE PEACOCK
With a tail measuring 8 feet wide and containing over 200 feathers, the peacock is the tacky Vegas showgirl of the animal world. Here's where the scientific part comes in: peacocks with the bluest blue eyes on their tail are deemed to be the healthiest. Of course, that also presents a con, as peacocks with too much junk on the trunk have a little trouble when it comes to flying — too big equals no liftoff. This presents a challenge when it comes to fleeing predators. Run, peacock, run!
6. WHITE BENGAL TIGER
Some say it's a no-no to wear white after Labor Day, but the Bengal tiger doesn't really have a choice. Their unusual coloring is caused by a mutant gene, and while it's not harmful to their health in any way, it does impact their ability to survive. White is not exactly ideal when it comes to blending in with the jungle. Quick, someone page a colorist with camouflage skills, ASAP!
5. MALE LION
For the male lion, a hairdo can never be too big or too dark. This cat's iconic mane is his calling card for attracting the ladies. And the more brunette, the better — it indicates a lion who is relaxed, better fed and with fewer parasites. However, a darker mane also attracts sun, which makes the lion's body temperature soar — and its sp*rm count plummet. Hmm, maybe bald is beautiful after all!
4. MALE GUPPY
It's the clash of the tiny-tans. Though only a few centimeters long, male guppies have some pretty loud fashion, having been known to sport splashes, spots and stripes in just about every color of the rainbow. Sounds like a big ole' hot mess, but the ladies don't seem to mind; in fact, it's a large part of what drives their attraction. Unfortunately, the colorful display is also a beacon for predators, which makes a strong argument for the safety of basic black.
3. SAGE GROUSE
Talk about pumping up the volume! The male sage grouse is equipped with two yellowish air sacs underneath his feathers. He fills the sacs with air and then makes a popping sound that can be heard from up to three miles away! While that may sound like something a doctor should look at — immediately — it's actually a cue for the females that it's time to choose a mate. The bigger the pop, the more attractive the male. Along with this bird's ability to sing and dance, this event has got to be part of the weirdest talent and beauty pageant ever. However, with a population that's got twice as many females as males, beggars can't be choosers!
You know you're in trouble in the looks department if your nickname is "pig-deer." Native to the Indonesian island of Sulawesi, the babirusa looks a bit like something out of Where the Wild Things Are, with its canine teeth growing straight through the roof of its mouth. Not only is this unsightly to look at, but also a danger to its survival; if the teeth continue to grow, they can curve back and lodge into the babirusa's brain. Now that's a migraine!
1. MALE DEER
The deer earns the No. 1 spot thanks to its rack of antlers, which can measure up to 7 feet wide and weigh in at 80 pounds or more. That is quite the headdress! In fact, it is believed that the largest deer species ever was the Irish elk, with antlers over 12 feet wide — almost twice the length of what a moose sports today! Not exactly the animal you want sitting in front of you at the movies. During the mating season, male deer use their antlers to head-butt the competition. However, by doing so, they also run the risk of locking together, leaving them prone to predators or starvation. Perhaps it would be wise to keep the Headbanger's Ball in check?