Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Is Banana Spider Venom the New Viagra?

Does the thought of getting bit by a spider give you a massive erection? Probably not, but depending on the spider, the situation may be out of your control.

spider

Take the wandering spider, for example. The venom in this wily arachnid causes erections in men. But it doesn’t just cause your average, everyday erection. It causes priapism, that seemingly awesome but actually painful and horrifying condition where erections last four hours or more (as always, consult your doctor if this happens). In light of this, it’s quite fitting that the wandering spider is also called the banana spider.

But don’t rush out the door and start antagonizing the first banana spider you see just because you think it will fix your wobbly schlong. For one thing, they’re mainly found on banana plantations and those are hard to come by stateside (although, true to the “wandering” moniker, they’ve been spotted at grocery stores in Oklahoma and Manitoba). Also, the venom doesn’t just cause sustained wood. It can also cause loss of muscle control, severe pain, difficulty breathing and death due to oxygen deprivation.

There is hope, though. Scientists in Brazil have managed to isolate the toxin in the venom that causes priapism (PnTx2-6, if you’re keeping score at home) and believe it may lead to, hope you’re ready for this, a newfangled cure for erectile dysfunction.

Sorry, we should have mentioned that it was a lame pun that you needed to be ready for.

Anyway, after isolating the boner causing toxin (erectoxin?), scientists tested it on hypertensive rats. Why? Because hypertensive rats often have severe erectile dysfunction. And Eureka, it worked! The toxin managed to normalize erectile function in the high blood pressure stricken rodents. That’s great news! Please feel free to not tell us what you did to cause those tiny rat boners, science!

rat-e1299039266818                                        Whatever it was probably involved this.

In even better news for you and your flaccid junk, researchers found that the banana spider venom actually cured erectile dysfunction in a completely different way than Viagra. That means it could potentially lead to an alternative erectile dysfunction cure for men who don’t respond to traditional treatments. Hooray for old people sex!

In slightly-but-not-really related news, we actually had to Google the term “sexy rat” to find that picture of the Lego rat doing the splits. Unfortunately, our search also turned up something else. Get a load of this fucking thing…

rat 02

You’re welcome, readers! Enjoy your night terrors!

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